When and where

08 July 2011 06:21 AM Categories: Animal/vegetable/mineral | Best of the blog

Meet me at the top of the Campanile on campus at noon. You will know me by my fedora and my trench coat, by my inexpertly applied fake moustache. Stay ten feet away from me at all times as the bells rattle our brains. Do not look into my eyes. I’ll toss you the cup attached to a string, will place my cup to my ears, and then you will explain it all to me. Every single bit.

Get to the coffee shop 23 minutes before I do. Sit with your back against the wall at the table by the bathroom. Open your laptop. Wait. Do not look at the door. At precisely 2:48 I will sit at the table opposite, facing you, my laptop yawning at my fingers. Don’t glance my way. My IM name is fussbdgt. Tell me why it happened. I don’t care if you lie. Just make it good.

Write it down on a piece of paper. Cover both sides. On a windless day in August ride your bike down to the marina. Sit with a picnic basket and blanket in the shelter of a hill. Bring me something vegetarian and luscious and beyond the realm of the caprese sandwich. Sneak in a cold beverage, too, a crisp Sauvignon blanc, an IPA. I will appear at 12:30 in wraparound sunglasses, a baggy t-shirt and sweater and the holey jeans that I can't bear to part with, will arrange myself across from you on the blanket. Pass me the food. Pour me a drink. Take your paper explanation (your apologia? Is that what this is about?) and fold it into an airplane. Float it my way. I will read it, commit it to memory, crumple it up and toss it into the bay.

This is not a difficult task. Tell me that I matter, that I am more than a ghost floating in the world. Tell me that my body is good for something, too, but not without my mind, my personality, my opinions. Talk to me about coming out of hiding. Show me that the world is generally safe as long as I am cautious.

Show up on my doorstep when I am least expecting it. Talk to me because you care, because you were thinking about me, because we are both strong. Come without expectation or agenda. Explain what you want if you want to. Pretend that the day is like a blank sheet of paper, waiting to be filled with musical notes, with bits of poetry, the unearthing of beauty out of ash, time, and pressure.