In my defense
08 May 2011 06:51 AM Categories: Writing prompts | Best of the blog
One morning as I was walking the dog, the clouds, the kind of clouds that always have me reaching for metaphors, to go beyond blanket or miasma or oppressive, though a “miasma of cloud cover” has a nice ring to it – the clouds parted briefly, setting free a beam of light. In front of us, a crow picked at a chicken bone, spot lit from above. It hopped and cawed and Nora lunged for it, more for the bone than for the bird, and the miasma thickened again, the hole in the sky covered over. It was as though the sun never existed.
The brutality of bird against bone plus light plus miasma plus darkness made me do it, flipped the switch inside my mind. Not that it felt like a decision, it felt like a change. Nora and I walked across the street, turned around. At home, my fingers tapping on the keyboard, I ignored my husband. I ignored the boy. I let the cats meow at me without acknowledgement, and when Nora barked to be let back in, her barks stayed in place, bounced off the glass panes of the back door.
I looked as though I was sleepwalking when the truth was I was letting a scenario play out in my mind, a dream life was opening up that required me to ignore the present. What did the present care about me anyhow? The present demanded care and attention to monotonous detail. It left me cold, truly, trapped in a back corner of my mind with the hot water and the heavy robe, looking out the window of all that was required of me, that I be there and cheerful and fuck the darkness and let’s pretend that it’s all ok and if this is all to life, well, it could be a lot worse, right?
You spoiled little brat, I told myself. You are free from most want. You live pretty fabulously. What more could you want? I denied the want and then I didn’t and here I am, here we are, sitting in the waiting room, wondering what will happen next.
Image by liquidnight.
From the prompt "Defend your decision."
I'm posting every messy Round Robin prompt, a prompt a day until the RR ends. Unless I tell you otherwise, this is the original 12-minute prompt edited only for clarity and typos.
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