Channeling Sam Kinison
Illustration
from YTMND.
MOMMY! I WANT MOMMY!
(here I am!)
NO! NOOOOOOO! I WANT DADDDYYYYY!
(ok, he’s standing right there; parents switch
positions)
NOT DADDY, MOMMY!
(well, Daddy is the one who is here right now. Would
you like robot pajamas tonight?)
NOT THE ROBOT PAJAMAS – THE SHARK PAJAMAS! I WANT THE
SHARK PAJAMAS!
(the shark pajamas, buddy?)
THAT’S WHAT I S A I D: THE SHARK PAJAMAS!
(parent
begins dressing child in shark
pajamas)
NO! I WANT THE ROBOT PAJAMAS ON!
(parent and child together):
AHHHHHHHHRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!
Another day ends in tears at the writing to survive
household. Maybe our three-year-old son is developing
neural networks at incredible rates and his thoughts
are pulling him in different directions. Perhaps he
is experimenting with control – how much does he
have? How will we, the beleagured parents, react to
his cries of frustration? It’s normal (right??), but
exhausting, and patience-trying, and sometimes it’s
hard to see the humor in it all.
Bath time last night was a screamfest. I wasn’t there
– baths are generally my husband’s responsibility –
but I could hear every outburst. I finally realized
what it reminded me of: my son was channeling the
long-dead 80s comedian Sam
Kinison.
Here is a little taste of my current home life, minus
the lunges and hair pulls, with a very young-looking,
relatively thin Kinison on the David Letterman show.
The comedian was known, as Wikipedia puts it, “for
his extremely vitriolic humor” and can be offensive,
so viewer beware.
writing to survive – where one day you can read about
Gertrude Stein and Edgar Allen Poe, and the next you
can watch Sam Kinison.
Now you know about my tasteless side.